Books Eater

When I was a kid, I developed this strange habit of staring at the night sky. I would wake up in the middle of the night, sneak out and stare at the moon for hours. I didn’t know if my parents noticed it or not but no one ever said anything. I did it for a long time. Until the day life got in the way. Then, I didn’t have time to sit and gaze at the silver ball of light.

There was so much that I only shared with the moon. It knew all my secrets. I was always a self-proclaimed loner. If it weren’t for the full-moon nights, I might have lost my sanity a long time ago. Thankfully, the moon was there for me when I needed something to anchor myself to. Did you know how calming it was to look up and see that one thing that was always there?

#

“If you don’t love the moon,” she said with a smile, “then you aren’t my type.”

“Why the moon?” He asked, narrowing his eyes as if trying to figure out the hidden meaning behind her words. But there was no mystery there. It was what she said because the moon mattered.

“Why not?” She raised her eyebrows, challenging him.

“Ok.” He relented, “if you love the moon then I will love it too.”

“Just like that?” She didn’t believe him.

“Yes, just like that.” He reassured her.

She shouldn’t have trusted his words. No one changes that easily. You couldn’t love something because someone told you to love it. That’s not how these things work. She didn’t know that. So, she trusted his words and he broke her heart. He was so not her type. She was a moon lover and he loved the sun. She was a night owl and he preferred the day. She was a mystery and he hated mysteries. They weren’t meant to be.

#

That night the moon had decided to hide behind the clouds. I hated that. I felt as if my best friend was angry with me and ignoring me because I had disappointed it somehow. Why now? Why tonight of all nights? I needed my anchor. I needed the moon. Unfortunately, I couldn’t have that one thing that I needed the most; moon’s calming presence to steady my heartbeat and find my hope.

Everything changed that night. I lost the love of my life and I lost my best friend. The moon wasn’t there for me so I gave up on it. I wondered if my life would’ve been different if he didn’t cheat or if the moon was there to console me. But there was no point in crying over the past. What’s done was done and I had to move on. So, I did.

#

“Do you like this color?” She asked, “I’m not sure about it. Maybe we should see some more samples before picking it.”

“It’s perfect,” he said, “there is no need to waste more time when we have already found something we like.”

“Hmm,” she sighed. “You’re right. No point in thinking too much. This will do.”

That’s how they settled everything. She would doubt and raise questions and he would tell her that she was over-thinking or trying too hard. She would give up and allowed him to lead the way. Slowly, she was losing her voice. What made her her wasn’t there anymore.

#

It was a full moon night and I was sitting outside bathing myself in the moonlight. There was something about the moon that night which made me question my life choices. Did you ever notice that moonlight is the prettiest thing in the world? You could sit there, staring at it for hours and still wouldn’t feel bored. It was actually very relaxing.

My mind was troubled that night. I had had the worst day and wasn’t so sure what the future had in store for me. The only thing I had was hope and the moon. It gave me its full attention. We stayed together for hours and I was much relaxed afterward. What would be, would be. At least, the moon would always be there for me.

#

“I’m rather tired today,” he told her, “let’s call it a night and head home.”

“But the festivities are yet to begin,” she complained. “Let’s stay a while longer.”

“Sweetheart,” he said, “I have work tomorrow. I really do need to sleep otherwise I would still be tired in the morning.”

“That’s not fair.” She pouted, “I have been looking forward to this night for so long. And how come you’ve work tomorrow? It’s the weekend. Who works on the weekend?”

“Let’s not argue here.” He pointed, “we can talk about that at home.”

After that, she said nothing. They left the party early and he went to work the next day. She didn’t ask him about it again. It was like she didn’t care anymore. She knew something wasn’t right but she wasn’t ready to know the truth. Thus, she buried her head in the sand and waited for her fate to decide everything for her.

#

Around that time, I had started taking sleep medicine. Insomnia got too difficult for me to handle. Never before had I wanted to sleep as much as I wanted it then. There was a reason why they called sleep the ‘half death.’ At least, for those few hours, my problems went away. At that point in my life, that was all I wanted. Staying awake and greeting the moon every night had lost its charm. I was no longer interested in that. There was no attraction in the moon. My life was a mess and all I needed was an escape. So, that’s what I did. I slept every night, eight hours minimum, and forgot that even if the prince I loved turned out to be a toad, there was something else out there that had once mattered to me.

#

“I truly am sorry,” he said, looking ashamed of himself, “I never intended to hurt you. I loved you.”

“Save it,” she said, “it doesn’t matter now. You betrayed my trust and you broke my heart. That is all I know. I don’t need to hear your empty words.”

“Will you ever forgive me.” The look in his eyes beseeched her.

“Not a chance!” She didn’t understand why it mattered to him whether she forgave him or not.

“You changed,” he said. There was remorse behind his words.

“I changed?” Now, she was angry. The hurt was gone and the fire blazed behind her eyes. “You’re a lying, cheating bastard and you have the audacity to say, I changed.”

“But you did.” He didn’t raise his voice the way she had.

“Get out of my house. I don’t want to see you ever again.” She pushed him towards the door.

He left and that was how their story ended. She never forgave him and she never trusted anyone ever again. Love wasn’t for her. She wasn’t the love’s type. There was a secret within her soul, a story within the story, and only the moon knew. It wanted to tell her but she wasn’t ready to listen. Someday she would be. After all, there was a time for everything.

The End

© 2019, Fizza Younis.